About
About The Video
It’s Your Choice is essentially a video version of a victims impact panel. It features five women and two young-adult siblings who share their experiences about living with an abusive and controlling husband/father. It’s Your Choice is an effective means of enhancing the awareness of and empathy for victims of abuse and increasing the level of personal accountability of the men in your Domestic Abuse Intervention groups. It’s Your Choice can be presented in its entirety within the time frame of most group sessions, however most group facilitators view it section by section over 2-3 group sessions to promote discussion among the men. Some group facilitators find it useful to have the men jot down notes as they watch the video (see the sample questionnaire).
About The Producer
Dean Camarda has worked as a Domestic Violence Intervention group facilitator for six years, with four different agencies. He currently facilitates eight groups a week. He has also worked with victims of abuse both women and children. Combining this experience with his experience as a video/television producer, Dean is planning additional video productions that like It’s Your Choice, can be used within the DVI group setting, as well as helping to train other professionals who choose to work in this specialized field.
Letters of Endorsement
One of the more challenging aspects of helping men become non abusive is educating them about the many ways their abusive behavior hurts and affects their loved ones. They are also often very quick to view their partners in a negative distorted light which is often inaccurate. This video, featuring interviews with a number of women who have been abused as well as two young adults who witnessed domestic violence growing up, literally brings the voices of abused women into the room. It offers a rare opportunity for men to hear directly from abused women how the women have suffered and how the women hope these men can change. Their testimonials are rich in detail and emotion and can be a springboard to a more informed discussion in the group of the many ways their abusive behavior can deeply hurt the ones they love. The segment involving the adult children who witness is especially important in reminding men that it isn’t only their partners who suffer from their abuse, but their children as well. This should be required viewing in every batterer intervention group.
Christopher Huffine, Psy.D.
Allies in Change Counseling Center
Portland, Oregon
It’s Your Choice has been a valuable tool in raising the awareness of men in our domestic violence intervention program. Abusive men tend to minimize the effects of their abuse on their partners, their children, and others. These interviews with survivors of domestic abuse seem to help some men “break through” that minimization. During group discussions of the video, many men have made comments reflecting greater empathy for their own domestic partner(s).
Paul Lee, LCSW
Co-director of The Men’s Resource Center
Portland, Oregon
It’s Your Choice has given the men in my Batterer’s Intervention groups an opportunity to hear the impact of domestic abuse from the experiences of actual survivors/victims. I have witnessed my BIP clients riveted to the screen as they watch this video. And it is evident from the discussions that follow that the men are able to recognize pieces of their own behaviors through the words of these five women and two youth. I believe viewing this video has affected my clients as much as attending a victim’s impact panel in person.
I strongly recommend that It’s Your Choice be added to any Domestic Violence Intervention curriculum to help the men gain an empathic perspective in the non-threatening group environment. The follow-up discussion regarding the victims’ experiences has proven to be rich with insights and connections to their own abusive behaviors.
Jennifer Warren, LCSW
The Men’s Resource Center
Portland, Oregon
I have been using It’s Your Choice in my DVIP groups since the video was released (in 2005). Our agency requires clients to view this video prior to completion of our program, and it is listed on their competencies in their treatment plan which is signed at intake. The men in group watch the video and write comments on the available questionnaire. I usually take two group sessions to view and discuss the video’s contents. After men in group have viewed It’s Your Choice, they share having an increased awareness of the broader abusive and controlling behaviors and how the women are impacted. The men often share being impacted the most by the two young adults who share their experiences with an abusive father, and how the abuse towards their mother impacted them. I have had many men share surprise by the last segment, What We’d Like Abusive and Controlling Men to Know. Men have stated they expected to hear “male bashing” and instead heard concern, hope for change, and voices saying they will not accept the abuse any longer. This is done without words of hatred. As men proceed through our program, they often refer back to the video and specific parts of the video that “stuck with” them and helped them move towards a more accountable stage.
Jacquie Pancoast, BS, CADC I
ChangePoint, Inc.
Portland, Oregon
My name is Doug. I am fifty-four years old. I have been an abuser for nearly all my life. In October of 2002 I was arrested and charged with an Assault IV for which I spent twenty-one months in a state prison. After enduring twelve years of abuse, my former partner, “C,” had finally found the courage to escape my mental, emotional, verbal and physical abuse. And in doing so it marked the beginning of my journey into learning to become a non-abusive, non-violent man.
After my release from prison I was court mandated to attend a Batterer’s Intervention Program. My prison term gave me plenty of time to come to terms with my abusive and violent behaviors, so when I began attending the men’s groups I was eager to learn and change. I felt shame and deep regret for the ways I had treated “C” and many others throughout my life.
Because “C” was no longer in my life, I struggled with how I could put to use the new concepts, thinking patterns, beliefs, mechanisms of denial and patterns of abuse that I was learning about. I especially wanted to fully grasp the depths of the impact of my abuse on “C” and other victims of domestic abuse. I was missing a vital part of the awareness I needed in order to become fully accountable for the violent and abusive acts I committed against her, and the extent of the life-altering damage and pain I had caused her.
In March of 2005 I had the privilege of attending a victim’s impact panel where two survivors of domestic violence shared their experiences. I was stunned and deeply moved by what these courageous women shared, and as I began to comprehend the horror and scars I had inflicted upon “C.”
Then, two months later our group facilitators presented the video, It’s Your Choice during one of our regular meetings. I’ve watched many different types of recovery-oriented videos over the years, but I was unprepared for the impact this video would have upon me. This unscripted, straightforward presentation by five women and two young adults became the sole focus of my attention and the experience was riveting. These survivors of domestic abuse spoke to me with clarity and honesty about how I had wounded “C.” My eyes were open that night. My awareness and beliefs profoundly changed as a result of witnessing It’s Your Choice. If you’re a professional working with men like me, show them the video.
Douglas B.O.
Former Abuser